my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
