Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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