make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
