i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
