Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
