that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
