I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
