Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Randomize
