is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
