I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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