Where is the hickey?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he high fived his dick after we had sex
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
