Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We need to get me chipped asap
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
