Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
