I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
