dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
