she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
