i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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