Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
