you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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