All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
They are going to name an STD after you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
