I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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