I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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