I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
