She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
