On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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