Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
