In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
