it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
