I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
