first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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