nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
