I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
