i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
