Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ttyl tear gas
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
