I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just want nice things and good sex
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You've changed since you got that strap on
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
