I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
