Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
