I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
