Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
