She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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