Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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