I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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