At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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