Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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