if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
