dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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