I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
