You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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