hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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