So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
