She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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