Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize