oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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