we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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