man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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