I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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